Getting Closer

36 Weeks!

I can't believe it's been over a month since I've posted...we've been swirling around, trying to take care of stuff - hypernesting, I guess.

We took a childbirth class, which was informative and actually made me feel much more open-minded toward natural childbirth, due to some inherent physiological benefits for both me and the baby.

On the first day of class we passed around a plush placenta and umbilical cord. It was the sort of thing you hand off to the next person as fast as you can while trying not to seem panicky. We also watched a LOT of birthing films, which I can firmly say did NOT help my process at all. James said they were helpful for him, because he got to see a range of how people go through labor, so I'm glad he benefited. I guess I'm just not the sort of person that has to see many heads coming out of many vaginas in order to feel ready. I also don't particularly need to hear how various women moan or grunt - perhaps it's my Catholic roots, maybe I'm more private, but it just made me uncomfortable. Yee. In most cases, I'm a visual learner, but this is not one of them. Shake it off, shake it off...

We also took an Infant CPR class, which was helpful, although the teacher was a retired state cop whose brand of humor was to throw the baby mannequin around like a football, and tell one of the dads to "go deep" to catch it. Har har - not that funny to nervous parents-to-be.

We've managed to get the nursery decked out - crib, changing table, soft carpet and lots of supplies. My family gave us a baby shower, and we got tons of adorable, soft things for Boots. I immediately washed everything with baby smelling laundry wash and spent a solid hour folding the tiny onesies, gowns, and pjs. It made me very excited for Boots' arrival.

We're looking for a doula for both birth and post partum - realizing we could use some support on both fronts. We're also going to follow up on offers from friends and family. It's amazing how much stuff you need to plan when you have no clue what it's going to be like on the other side.

Now that I'm 4 weeks out, my OB has begun non-stress fetal monitoring. They check Boots' heartbeat and movements once a week for 20 minutes. At the first appointment, Boots (amazingly) wasn't moving around much, and the nurse and tech seemed to be getting concerned. I told them that the baby is never very active around 10 am. They had me drink some cold water to get the baby moving. Boots remained quiet. They said that if the baby didn't get moving they'd have to send me for an ultrasound. I said that's fine, but I'm not having a baby today. They gave me cold water and a snack. One thing I felt clear about was that the baby was fine. It was an interesting moment, because I think it's the first time I really felt like a mom. Like I know my kid. My kid is quiet in the morning, and then kicks me all afternoon and evening, so 15 minutes of slow activity a monitor in the morning is not going to convince me that we need to spring into urgent medical action. Not when I can hear the heartbeat. If they had said let's send you for an ultrasound, I would have said, "let me go get some juice and walk around for 5 minutes and try again."

There is so much fear associated with childbirth - fear of pain, fear of the unknown, fear for a fragile human being. And initially, I felt that I'll just go along with whatever most people do to have a baby in terms of having an epidural or a C-section... I mean, people do it all the time, and it works out fine, and anyway I don't like being in pain. Now that I've learned more, I realize I want to try to have a natural childbirth, and it's perfectly ok for me to advocate for myself - ask for more time, ask what the risks are of any given thing, even ask for a different nurse if I don't feel comfortable with the current one. I have a say in how things go, I'm the one that's going to be doing the heavy lifting after all.