Low Battery

There's a symptom of pregnancy that verges on the comical - what I call the dread exhaustion. As my friend Kristen says, "You're tired on a cellular level." And that's how it feels. The other day, I went for a swim - no big deal, like 20 minutes in the pool, nothing strenuous. When I returned to the locker room, putting on my clothes made me so tired that I had to sit down and very nearly fell asleep sitting up with my mouth wide open. It was 2 pm.

There's also a new level of clumsiness - I have broken countless plates and glasses, and ripped the passenger side mirror clean off my car on the side of the garage. Luckily, I have sustained no injuries as of yet, and I am super careful in the car, as I suspect that pregnant women get in lots of accidents. I guess that's why they tell you not to take up any new sports right about now. It's probably the only time in my life where I have not felt a generalized pressure to step up my exercise (not that I ever do).

Feelin' Groovy

I'm feeling better. No nausea in quite some time! Yahoo! I'm taking 1/2 of a Unisom every night now. I played a show on Wednesday, which was really energizing. I thought about announcing to the audience that I was pregnant, but I decided not to. The guitar is a pretty good foil for the still smallish bump. Although I got home by 10:30 pm, I was totally fried yesterday. It's funny to feel pretty normal, and have the energy to do stuff, but then you have to build in the recovery time. Now I understand why my friend Jen needed a day of rest last year after we went to the beach. It's cuckoo, like having a weird flu with no symptoms.

James and I went to the ultrasound appointment yesterday. We were excited and a little nervous. The bean was very active, bouncing around like he/she had hiccups. I've been told twice now that I've got a "mover." Unfortunately, the bean was a little camera shy, so we didn't get a profile picture, despite the technician's gentle prodding of my belly which made me feel a little protective (don't poke the kid, it's ok if we don't see the face today). At this stage, babies (fetuses, pre-babies?) are still pretty strange looking, they have big alien eyes and not much fat, so perhaps it was best. We did see a hand, an arm, legs, bones, kidneys, the heart. It was cool to see what's happening in there.

The ultrasound also made me feel a little sad about the two we've lost, wondering how they looked, how much they had grown. Since we're starting a family so late, we've had to be on task with getting pregnant, which hasn't left much down time for grieving when things haven't worked out, but the grief is there for sure. The other day, I said to my friend, "I feel like I've been pregnant for a year."

"You have," she said.

I'm grateful that things are going well, and so glad to be feeling ok.

Reality Sets In

I continue to feel generally better, which is GRAND. I've still had some rocky days, but the good days have buoyed me. My OB nurse says that at this point if I'm still feeling nauseated, I may be one of those lucky ladies that is sick the whole way through. Could it be true? Could I have drawn the high number? Thank God for Unisom.

Today - just today - I'm realizing that there's a baby coming. Huh. And there's a bunch of stuff I should do! Start learning about childbirth, sign up for a class (do I have to take a class? won't it just happen anyway?), set up some kind of nursery space (will the baby sleep in our room?), get ready for our new family member. I guess I've been taking things minute by minute so far.

It's been fun telling people we're expecting-lots of people react as though you've given them a surprise gift, it's really sweet. It disarms me.

New Era

I'm excited about the change that has taken hold of the country - I feel much more optimistic about bringing a kid into this world with our new President.

I will be at 16 weeks tomorrow, and I've gotten a bit of a reprieve on the sickness. I even felt well enough to go to Maine for a couple of days and visit my family. As long as I eat every 2 hours, I seem to be ok. It's amazing how not feeling sick for a little bit can improve your outlook. "Oh yeah, this is what 'normal' feels like!"

Lest I become too comfortable in my relative wellness, I got wretchedly sick last night. Worse than ever. Was it the excitement of the election results? The red mask across my eyes is worse than before, and the broken blood vessels in my neck are more prominent. And I had just ceased having to do a Hollywood makeup job! Dang it. Maybe I overdid it by cleaning my house yesterday. Clearly I need to plant myself on the couch and eat bonbons.

At least I can start to see a light at the end of the tunnel. The nurse at my OB's office assured me that all should be well by 16 weeks - so that's it, tomorrow is the deadline - ya hear me hormones? Betty needs a break.

I am now fully embracing the maternity wear, which currently leaves me with exactly three pairs of pants. Now is when my brilliant clothing design career ought to kick in, I could make yummy mummy funky soft comfy clothes. Then again, I could take a nap.